yoooooooooooo i’m going to cry i’m so happyyyyyyyyyyyy
yoooooooooooo i’m going to cry i’m so happyyyyyyyyyyyy
I GOT IN!!! I’M GOING TO PALESTINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
when you’re sad the days seem infinitely longer, when you feel everything so intensely you burn out so quickly. i tried to love less, to love in secret, to love in a way that was gentle and refined. i’m tired of this perpetual fracturing of myself. i am tired of leaving parts of myself at the door in an effort not to overwhelm. i want to own my passion, i want to own it, i refuse to cup my flame between my palms. i only know how to be wild and angry and fierce in my love for people and things, and i want to own this intensity, i don’t want to be ashamed of this hunger, this wild wild hunger. mama always said there are things a lady must not speak of, but here i am loud and unapologetic. this defining and re-defining of self, this perpetual meeting and parting of ways, i think i was 18 when a boy i liked said to me for the first time, wow you’re too much, and again i cupped my flame in my hands, drew the heat inwards, i wanted to swallow the sun for him. but now look at me i am 21 and i say to my reflection in the mirror this is who i am and finally finally no shame.
(summary) something happened at work today where 2 somali boys got into a fight over something trivial. one of the boy’s had a cousin who was there who jumped in to defend him. a white teacher said, ‘you can’t interfere in fights to defend your friend.’ he said, ‘he’s not my friend, he’s my brother.’ (they were cousins, but still. the sentiment is the same. family // loyalty).
i think abt the coercive nature of punishment. abt punishment as an assertion of power. (think of the state as purveyor of punishments, state’s power to confine people. to kill people). we think abt punishment as consequence, but i dont think consequences necessarily have to be abt punishment. especially when working/dealing with/ teaching young people. i think we need to move away (far far away) from a politics of punishment, from a discourse of heavy-handed behavioral correction. (correct according to whom? some kids i’ve worked with have seen so much blood and violence, have stayed so many months in refugee camps, have seen women and cities burned to ash)..
we’ve internalized warped perceptions of power, we claim it where and when we can. we replicate the oppressive nature of the state in our classrooms when we ‘punish’ students indiscriminately what is punishment abt? it’s abt maintaining authority, it’s abt reinforcing norms that are steeped in western/capitalist values. how to unlearn, how to teach in a way that undoes?
a lot to think abt. but i think teachers need to think critically abt punishment, abt culture, abt stigmatizing behaviors and ways of life.
and you know, i’m also thinking abt the way young boys grow into, are forced into masculinity. how they try it on, borrow it from older brothers and fathers, how they will risk suspension/expulsion to fight alongside their cousins, but how they will kiss their mamas when she picks them up after school. how they will hold her hand as they walk home.
clyde--frog asked: all the froyo ones + strawberry tea and mocha tea (I think that was a question???)
trawberri froyo: top 3 insecurites
my arab nose which is quite large for my face, my dark circles which never go away, and just generally bad hair dispersion.
mint choco froyo: 3 things im proud of
ugh why do i have to do this it’s hard. i guess i’m proud of my independence/maturity. i’m proud of how well i’m getting to know myself and my body. when i look back at all the things that happened in the past few years….it’s a heavy list. i take it for granted but looking bad i’m proud of the fact that these past few years didn’t really weigh me down.
cookies and cream froyo: 3 things you can do to make me automatically like you
reciprocate! yes it’s at the point where all someone has to do is ask me a question back and i’ll like them lol it’s sad. putting equal effort into a conversation works, but i think that’s the same as the first. have shared interests i guess?
strawberry tea: favourite outfit
fav outfit that i don’t have- aa circle skirt+random top/sweater+leather boots+TIGHTS it makes me so uncomfortable to not wear tights i don’t know what i’ll do come summer.
fav outfit that i do have- maybe my sound of music outfit the navy dress+the white collared shirt+floral tights+black boots (i maintain that it is basically the outfit she wears when she sings the sound of music. this is very controversial to some [arundathi] but let the haters hate.)
The very real desire to be gazed upon, rendered an object, made subordinate. To manifest one’s weakness. Ah, the momentary relief in resignation, in listlessness, in apathy. The seduction in one’s own destruction. The totality present only in pleasure or in death.
Instead, to radically vary the forms of our totality. To be so close to the sun. To work like a dog. To dismiss and to dominate. To love oneself madly. To never give in. To be dragged out by the feet in the end.
If you have any picture of your family from the era before Nakba and occupation in 1948 , submit it with a caption : describing it , a brief description of your village/city in Palestine as your family told you if you’re a refugee and never had visited your home or how you felt when you came back and saw it for the first time , how do you imagine it …
This month in spotlight : the era before Nakba .